Set Fathers

Set Fathers

Ensure your Daughter gets the Best Fathering Possible

My dad wasn't a warm, cuddly bear of a man. He was six-foot-four and had a no-nonsense approach to life. In fact, his physical presence was at times quite intimidating. He made a point of living life to the full, usually at maximum speed. He was loved and feared in equal measure, but respected by all who knew him. And there were occasions when we clashed.

 

In spite of this, the greatest compliment I ever received was when, at his memorial service a few years ago, one of his lifelong friends told me that he had once remarked to him that I was the closest thing on earth to him. It's true, I have inherited his stubbornness, his determination, his fierce independence, his lean build, brown eyes and passion for travel. But how else has he shaped me?

 

‘Fathers, more than anyone else, set the course for a daughter's life,' says pediatric health expert and author, Dr Meg Meeker, in her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters (Regnery). While a mother has an enormous role to play in her children's development, it is a father who influences your very identity. He is responsible for your ability to love and trust, your self-confidence and your body image.

 

Your Body Image

 

Our fathers teach us how to view our bodies from a male perspective. In a healthy relationship, a father will teach his daughter to have confidence in her physical attributes, but also to have healthy and protective boundaries when it comes to her body. If your dad is always giving you positive feedback about your appearance, and maintains healthy boundaries, then you're more likely to have great self-confidence when it comes to other male attention.

 

Setting limitations and boundaries enhances a girl's level of respect for her body, and her body image. It works in reverse too, and girls are particularly vulnerable to negative comments from their dads. A young woman often views her own body relative to what she believes her father finds attractive.

 

‘My dad was always going on about lovely thin women were, and he would point them out when he saw them. This sunk in me, and really hurt because I'm not naturally slim,' says Jenny Lander. ‘It was only years later, in therapy, that I made the connection between the impact of those comments and my eating disorder. I never felt I measured up to my dad's deals of physical beauty, and as a young woman, I would have done anything for his approval.'

 

How you see Yourself

 

Fathers have a pivotal role to play with regards to our sense of self. Our sense of identity is composed of several elements: what we perceive our strengths and weaknesses to be, our personality type, how we deal with adversity, our emotional sensitivity, our coping skills, and so on.

 

If our fathers fill a healthy and positive image in our minds, it will allow us to set up a system of beliefs that validates this sense of self. When a child's need for belonging in the family unit is not met, it can shape their sense of identity and self-worth for the rest of their life. I see many young women in therapy with immense fears of abandonment because these early emotional needs were not met.

 

Your Primary Role Model

 

A father's relationship with his daughter provides the framework for how she deals with male figures in general. That first imprint is so strong that any later relationships are filtered through that experience. We often repeat what we know rather than what we want, and we seek the familiar even when it is unhealthy.

 

Fathers are also our primary role models, our introduction to male love and set an example in the way they relate to their partners (our mothers) and towards us, their children. Children generally don't question their parents' behavior; they see their first experience as normal, even when it may be unhealthy.

 

Our brains create these thought patterns in order to help us make sense of the world around us. In this case, it creates a view of how men see us, how we relate to them, and it also sets up a predictable pattern for how we feel men should treat us or what behavior is acceptable or unacceptable.

 

A young woman who has unresolved issues with her father may try to resolve those issues in her current adult relationship. She may have an alcoholic father and so will date or marry an alcoholic, because not only is she 'wired' to seek the familiar, but on a subconscious level she hopes to fix the problem. Unfortunately, this is generally a pattern that perpetuates as the early influence of her father's drinking permeates deep into her subconscious.

 

Not only can she not save her partner, but she's likely to reap unhappiness and further destruction in the process. Similarly, a young woman whose father is emotionally unavailable due to work commitments or other factors, will often choose a life-partner who is also unavailable to her, as she'll hope to rectify the unmet needs from her relationship with her father by trying to fix her current partner.

About the Author

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Were the founding fathers able to create a limited government that still exists today?

I was having a debate with my father and he believes that the limted government the founding fathers set up hundreds of years ago is still existing today, I strongly dissagree but I need more facts to support my argument! Please answer thoroughly, thank you!
thanks guys! this is great info =D

First off I don't think they created a limited government at all, just the opposite. Our government was created with freedom, freedom to change with the times, freedom to expand with the ever expanding world, freedom to correct past mistakes (slavery, prohibition, women's rights etc.) .

This Mortal Coil - My Father.